This is a little special glimpse into my family life, which may be a rare opportunity, so cease this moment, cuddle up with your loved one, and get to know a little bit about a woman I call mom.
And so, to celebrate my mother, I have compiled a list of my all time favorite moments... some may call them precious moments, in which she was livid, and I mean really angry. Fond memories ma:
1.) When I didn't clean my room- Only once did the threats of throwing all of my shit away if I didn't clean up my room ever come into fruition. I refused to pick-up my room for two or so weeks in the fourth grade and one night my mother went into my room with a big black garbage bag. The bag from the kitchen. The bag with garbage water and banana peels and leftover sloppy joes in it. I only rescued a few things on the top. Even back then I wouldn't go dumpster diving, not even for my own things. If you ask my current roommates, I am sure they would say that I still haven't learned my lesson.
2.) When my I learned to drive- When I was first learning to drive, my mother instructed me to pull into the gas station so she could buy cigarettes. I overshot my right turn, drove the van up and onto the sidewalk, into a bunch of bushes and ruined her oil pan. No pedestrians were harmed in the process.
3.) When the cat came back- Kali Nanna, our calico cat, had a batch of kittens: Milo, Honey, Jean, and Oreo Elvis Presley. One day, with out informing my younger brother and me, she took the kittens down to the Co-Op gas station near our house, as it was there that they had a cage for "free" kittens (usually given away to farmers and ranchers to become field cats). Michael and I came home from school, discovered this, and raced, our little hearts pounding, down to rescue these kittens. We only managed to rescue Honey and Jean, Milo and O.E.P. had already been adopted. I don't know which she was more angry at, my brother and me for bringing back two kittens she really didn't want, or the gas station for letting two kids freely take animals with out question. Oddly enough she let us keep Honey and Jean after their rescue. We never questioned this decision.
4.) When my younger brother learned to drive
My brother learned to drive at a much younger age than I.... when he was 5. My mom picked me up from a friends house and left my brother in the car. Somehow, he managed to put the car in drive, drive through my friend's garage door, then throw the car into reverse and take out their fence.
5.) The Christmas pie incident
My younger brother was in pre-school, I was in kindergarten. It was Christmas day and there was one piece of pie left over from dinner. It was cherry pie. My younger brother had saved it... not only saved it, but licked it and made sure he marked his territory. Later that night he decided to consummate his pie lust- whipped cream and all- might I remind you, this was the last piece of dessert in our entire house, aside from the usual stocking candy. For some reason my dad was in a bit of a mood and decided to get rid of our Christmas tree post haste- incidentally dragging the tree over the cherry pie right as my brother was abut to chomp on the first bite. No bites were had, but plenty of tears were and my mother was furious at my dad for "ruining" Christmas for everyone.
And finally, my all time favorite moment when my mother was pissed off, I call this one
6.) The video:
For sake of protection for the parties involved (i.e. my younger brother- gosh he is in a lot of these stories- and his friend Nathan), I am going to simplify this story.. you'll get the idea.
-This is from the perspective of my friend Kristin and I while watching the incident at a safe distance at the park across the field from our house:
1. Mom Comes Home- Kristin and I see van slowly pulling up the long drive way to our house, we have no time to reach the parties (my 10 year old brother and his friend) inside the house before she gets there first.
2. Mom enters house
3. Moments later, mom leaves the house carrying video
4. Mom steps on video.... over, and over, and over again
5. Mom throws said video in our dumpster
6. Nathan begs my mom not to tell his mom
7. Van drives rapidly away from house- where to? I do not know.
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