Toys of My Past

Here are some toys from my past and how they could have been made better if only the manufacturers would have put a tiny bit more thought into, well, me.

1.) Furby: 

I think Furby could have been A LOT better if it would have been combined with other toy technology of the times.  Here's how: Furby + Gigapet= The results, which would be a Furby with the life-span of a gigapet, so when it started to get too annoying, you could just let it run its course.  Oh, also if it could say more intelligent phrases.  Instead of "Furby hungry" it could say, oh, I don't know, something along the lines of "If you don't feed Furby, Furby will call CPS on your bitch ass"...  

2.) Sky Dancers:

This one is easy, because everyone knows that the way to improve any toy of flight is to make sure the wings are actually some sort of blades of glory/throwing stars.  Sky dancers were fun to play with for no more than five seconds, at least with the addition of danger wings, fun might last until someone looses a finger.  

3.) Puppy Surprise/Kitty Surprise/Bunny Surprise:

My one wish for this toy was that the babies spawned from this toy were actually surprising.  I have a few ideas on how to make this happen: three legged kittens (a subject near to my heart), two headed puppies, the bunnies could give birth to squirrels or something.  But wait!  There is more.  Instead of simply opening up the Velcro® pouch and releasing the bundles of joy, you would have to dig through a placenta representation of goop (think Gac®™) to find your surprises.  This way you get two toys, baby animals and Gac®™.  More bang for your pets buck.

4.) Teddy Ruckspin:

I think Teddy Ruckspin had great potential in the early days to act as a sort of primitive TeeVo®. Imagine, if you will, instead of Teddy reading you stories, he would instead/in addition to, have the ability to recap (not a line by line bit, more like a 2 minute summation) a television show you may have missed.  I would also make the suggestion that his voice be turned into that of Gary Coleman if at all possible.  

5.) Street Sharks:

I propose that the toy itself not be changed, but the story line behind it be modified.  Instead of fighting other creatures, Street Sharks actually battle their arch enemies the Land Sharks- a group of big shot lawyers who try to "clean up the streets" by throwing innocent street kids in jail for crimes committed by the dirt bags of the corporate world and dirty politicians.  Street Sharks.

6.) Ribbon Dancer:

If the ribbons were actually sparklers, then maybe (but no guarantees) would Ribbon Dancers actually be cool.  Maybe if they were sparklers and also a fashionable belt afterwards.  I really tried here, but let's face it, there is no way to make Ribbon Dancing cool.

7.) And finally, Light Bright:

On second thought, this toy was perfect.  No changes necessary.