Life Calling

Okay.  It's been a little while since my last post, but I can explain... I have a boyfriend.  That I like.  The end.  Also, I got really fucking lazy with this thing- so lazy, in fact, that I spent the last five minutes trying to remember my password.  I don't even know why I have this account password protected.  Am I really afraid that someone is going to hack into it and start phantom blogging for me?  Because that would be awesome.  I'd be a lot like a Kardashian or a Snookie.  And though I love blogging and have at least one follower (shout out to  my cousin's boyfriend who told me that my boyfriend was crushing my creative spirit), I don't know that list blogging is going to be substantial enough to be my life's calling.

I've tried to compile my talents into this list:
-List blogging
-Chalk art
-Paper mache masks
-Cat snuggling
-Taking hideous photographs of animals
-Quoting movies
-Cher karaoke impressions
-Nail art

So that is my short list.  Here is my short list of things I am not too good at:
-Playing video games
-Long division
-Cake decorating (that doesn't involve zombies, zombie hands, or fake blood of any sort)
-I used to think that I wasn't very good at spelling, but I've seen the youth of today's contributions to the Internet and text messages and I'm pretty sure I could win a spelling bee against one of those brace-faced brats any day.

So, with my talents combined and sans the things I am not good at, here is a list of potential future life callings for me:

Cat Psychic Whisperer

I think I could pretty easily convince people that I could talk to their animals from the great beyond.


  

Halloween Costume Consultant

Remember ladies, slut is not a costume, it's a life style.

80's/90's Revivalist

I'd like to bring VHS tapes, movies, and Bowie's career back from the dead.  Southern Baptist preacher style.

Legendary Monster Photographer

Considering half of my photos of Scott look other-worldly any way, and considering I only use my iPhone's camera AND considering the popularity of Instagrams sepia tone/burnt toaster over lays, I think I could easily pull this off, with a possible Scifi... excuse me SYFY (WHAT THE HELL, for realz, what a stupid spelling) channel spin-off.  I guess, also seeing this SEDUCTIVE photo, I could also be a legendary monster hand model.  Hand model almost made this list, but I realize now, in comparison, it is just a pipe dream.  No one needs baby hands- they just aren't elegant enough.

 

Vietnamese Nail Salon Closer

Closer, as in baseball.  I'd come in and put the finishing touches- like little cat faces or Pac-Mans on women's (or men's) nails after the polish dust has settled.   The painting part... I'm not so good at, I could definitely be good at the finer detailing.

Car Detailer

Let's just say, I have a weird OCD tic (thing) that allows me to enjoy cleaning things with Q-Tips.  Actually, I'd only want to clean the inside... I don't like the feeling of car soap.  Someone else would have to do that.

Funeral Director

Doi.