I Want a Girl Who's Hip... But Not That Hip

Sometimes people just fall into categories with out even realizing it: "the jock", "artsy", "boring"... and so on. Lately, I have noticed more and more non-hipster hipsters. Which, in theory, would make them the most hipster of all. Here is a little sampling of those who, with out an actual effort on their behalf, are hipsters.

The Nerd Squad
-Movie: Sixteen Candles
-Reason: Striped shirts, big glasses, messy hair, cuffed jeans.

Nakoma
-Movie: Pocohauntas
-Reason: Straight bangs, fringe, moccasins. I rest my case.

Ralphie
-Movie: A Christmas Story
-Reason: Over-sized glasses, knit sweaters with collard shirts underneath, beanies, even the pink bunny suit could be hip, for Halloween- if nothing else

Marty McFly
-Movie: Back to the Future
-Reason: Layers, layers layers, tight jeans, and retro nikes. He also played in a band, which was really just a Huey Lewis and the News cover band, which is ironic, which is hip. He knew he was cool though. Even more reason to call him a hipster.

Charlie Bucket:
-Movie: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
-Reason: Hand knit sweaters, beanie, messenger bag, brown chords, unrealistic expectations.

Geraldo Rivera
-TV Show: Geraldo
-Reason: The sweat 'stache and uncommon name.


HR Puff N' Stuff
-TV Show: HR Puff N' Stuff
-Reason: He's pretty phallic looking, and most hipsters I know are dicks.

A Red Ryder BB Gun... With a Compus in the Stock

Dear Sandy Claws...
What I really, really want for Christmas this year (aside from money, of course) is the following:

*also note* For most of these items, feel free to purchase at the Goodwill or any second hand store. Except for the socks. I want those new. And my birthday is exactly two weeks from Christmas, so if you miss the Deck 25th boat, you got another shot! So lucky!

Really warm wool socks

...because my house is so effing cold.
Price Point: About $10... unless you can knit.

Old-timey metal TV trays

I would like the larger ones- but I'd also take the kind you can eat breakfast in bed with. This is one of the things that I don't need new. Just in decent shape, as I can always re-do the tops. On second thought, if I am going to Montana for Christmas, better just let someone in Seattle get me this for my birthday or something.
Price Point: Used- $5 new $15-30. I would like 2.

A record player

It can be purchased used, as long as it works and has a functioning needle. Again though, maybe not the best thing to try and bring back on a plane with me. I guess it depends on the size.
Price Point: Used- $30-$50 New- $70-100

A new phone

Preferably this one... wink, wink, father... how about for my birthday? A model similar perhaps? Okay, this is really my luxury item on this list (well, I guess TV Trays are as well, sort of), but a girl can dream. A girl can dream.
Price Point: $100 (and monthly service would change slightly).

A big plastic drinking cup

Okay, I know I can easily get this at any thrift store or a 7-11, but that is not the point. The point is, so can you! For me! Crap, you can even just give me one out of your cupboards for all I care. These over-sized promotional drinking cups are great for bed time. Anyone who has one knows what I mean. I once had one really good bed time plastic cup, but Hoku stole in a few years ago.
Price Point: Free dollars - $1.00 (or if you get a drink, consume it, and then wash out the cup, it is like, less than free dollars, almost as if I was giving you a gift).

The movie Man of the House

Judge at your leisure. I don't care. It doesn't even have to be on DVD. In fact, I think I'd rather it be on VHS. I've searched high and low at all of the thrift stores imaginable for this movie, it is impossible to find. I mean, who really wants to watch it anyway? It sucks. So one would think there would be a bajillion copies floating about. Nope. No there are not. But for me, it's a gem. And I want it.
Price Point: $7 used $10 new probably $0.25 on VHS.

Whitening Strips

This is my vanity item on this years Christmas list.
Price Point: $20-25

A red cardigan

I need more color in my wardrobe. Size medium.
Price Point: $20-40 new $8-15 used

Total cost of my birthday and Christmas Combined: .High estimate: $316 pre-tax $$
.Low estimate: $184 pre-tax $$
Divided by 2 holidays, divided by multiple people. CHEAP!

Mom, dad, grandparents, lovas... I made a registry online at this link View MyGiftList. Mostly, I don't want 10 copies of Man of the House. It will remind you of price points, along with some websites and pointers on where to find these items.

Love,
Whitney, whose been pretty good for part of this year.

Attack

Be not alarmed! The following are simply images... images of what I hope aliens look like, as sort of my homage to Aliens this festive season of Halloween. It's as a simple as that. Note: In no means is this is a survival guide meant to help you during an impeding attack, as I don't have that sort of authori-tay.

The practical alien:

I would hope aliens would look like this because if they did they would be slower and shorter than I am. This being said, I might survive an attack, and thus, making them practical. The same argument can be made for as slow vs. fast zombies. Granted, they still might have laser guns, which I would have no chance out running, and neither would you. And though this particular picture shows a woman who, well, got attacked, I would like to assume that she was weak and probably deserved it- the damsel type, yah know? Oh, and one last note, I'd have him wearing a long, high-collard metallic silver coat. For effect.

The futuristic alien:

If aliens were more like robots (which, in many movies they are), I would hope that they would look like Bjork from her video for All Is Full of Love and not just some dumb cybertron type being. Friendly, sleek, but still creepy.

The alien in human form:

This might not be my first choice of how I would like human-esque aliens to look, I would rather them look (and sound) like Ira Glass, but this is the most probable of the alien-to-human transformations I think. And no, it is not too soon.

The scary alien:

I almost chose the picture of the late M.J. to serve also as the scary version of aliens, but decided this was more appropriate while still maintaining similar lines. Truthfully though, I really wish that there were no possibilities of scary aliens, but if I had to chose, I would chose the aliens from They Live because they look just like humans- which means unless you have bad ass glasses which will help you determine the reals from the fakes, forget it, you're a goner. Nothing is more scary than perfect camouflage. Classic.

In the off chance I would have to create babies with an alien, alien:

Okay, so I know that Spock is only really half alien, but that's what I'm saying. I already know that breading with this particular alien species would work and not result in one of those scary scenes when an alien eats its way out of my abdominal cavity. As if birth wasn't gross enough already. And I know there are people who like other, older Spocks better, but this one is more in my age range. The hair cut... might have to go though. My aunt could probably take care of this for me. But yes, I would have alien babies if need be with new Spock.

The lovable alien:

It came down to A.L.F. and E.T.- both have initials for names, but only one came out on top, and let's face it, A.L.F. ate cats, so I had no choice but to choose E.T. He liked Reeses Pieces... much better feasting option.

The pet alien:

Why can't real animals be this cute? I don't know what this is from... probably Japan.

And just for fun, because this post was short:

The alien boy who wasted my time- Balloon Boy. Look at him. Effing alien. He even had that phony space ship. In fact, when I first turned on the news that day and saw the headline Balloon Boy and then the fake craft, my mind flashed back to the movie Signs (not great, I know) when they turn on the TV and there were alien ships and I thought maybe there was a UFO in our real life midst- but no, it was a "tragic" missing child story that turned up with no conclusion of interest.

So there you have it. For future film makers, particularly of the SciFi alien type movies, cut out the others and focus in on these types please, so that I will watch your movie in theaters and not pirated online.

Regretables '09

The year is waning, which means it is time to confront my regrets of '09 and hope to jeezus that I don't have anymore before the end of the oo's and the beginning of the 20teens.

Here they are, or as many as I can remember- and for those of you who say you have no regrets, you lie:

Work:
-Working for Garden City Group.
-Working for Safeway.
-Working for Beecher's Handmade Cheese.
-Taking that job with the Switch program that never actually was a real job, and thus, losing my job at Beecher's.
-Making out with various cheese maker's who also worked at Beecher's.

Boys:
-Making out with various cheese maker's who also worked at Beecher's.
-Developing unrealistic expectations for males in their 20's.
-Letting Joe watch movies with Mallory and I late at night in my room when he smelled like smoke, subsequently making my whole room smell like smoke.
-Making the Molly Ringwald disgusted face from Sixteen Candles whenever a cute boy would approach me.
-Not asking enough questions when the timing was appropriate.

Cats:
-Not getting one.

Troublemaking:
-Cutting off that police officer and then getting pulled over. However, I do NOT regret not getting a ticket.
-General plotting/scheming.
-Acquiring additional parking tickets.
-Knocking over the tip jar at Cupcake Royal after Moe Bar happy hour.
-Not sending that "card" to my arch nemesis. (Which I still may have regretted if I would have followed through with it).

Money:
-Not picking up that $100 bill off of the ground before Mallory's friend snatched it up.
-Spending cash on frivolities like lattes instead of drip coffee.
-Over drawing my bank account multiple times. Some on purpose.
-Letting my student loans lapse.
-Paying to watch a movie at Pacific place when I should have just used my free ticket.
-Not tipping as much/often as I should.

Technology:
-Spilling coffee on my computer.
-Using technology to inappropriately, well, let's call a rose a rose, "stalk" people via facebook, twitter, myspace, and what have you. You do it too!
-Watching too many movies in bed.
-Sporcle-ing... a lot.
-Texting people when/who I shouldn't have been texting.
-Giving in to twitter.
-Using Craig's List to try and find roommates, jobs, furniture, well, anything actually.

Fashion:
-Plaid overkill.
-Wearing through too many pairs of leggings.
-Wearing through my red belt.
-Breaking my black heals.
-Buying that white dress that I never wore.
-That shiny dress that matched Mallory's that we wore to karaoke one time.
-Wearing through my cream colored cardigan.
-Sometimes not changing my clothes for a day or so.

Et cetera:
-Spending the holidays alone due to poor weather.
-Not visiting my mom more when she lived closer.
-Losing at Settler's of Catan on numerous occasions.
-Eating expired food.
-Barfing.

My Addictions: A Detailed Description

I know there are steps to recovery, but I am just going to do this however I want, and that's okay, because I know you will all support me in my recovery process. So this is my first step: admitting to my addictions. Mom, dad, family, and friends, I know it may hurt you to hear this, but it's time I come clean.

Addiction List:

#1: Coke: Well, Diet, actually. Call it what you will, Diet Coke, DC, Lady Coke, Street Smack, it doesn't change what it is: liquid legal heroin. I've been on it for, well, almost a year now. I started this habit when working at Beecher's Handmade Cheese Co. I'd buy a can on my 10 minute break from across the way for only 50 cents! It spiraled and peaked near the middle of summer, when the Jing and I bought 6 24 packs because they were on sale buy three get three free, but I am happy to report I have only had one D.C. in the past week. Mostly because I am broke.


#2: Staying up past 4 am: Maybe it's all of the Coke (diet). All I'll say is that this is my witching hour, so let me do whatever it is I do during this time while you are getting your beauty rest in. Plus, at 4 am, I can rest assured that I am not going to miss any of your text messages or calls- in other words, you should feel honored that I would stay up so late for you! So that I won't miss talking or texting you!

#3: Breakfast Burritos: The genius behind this food is that it can be eaten, oh, say, ANYTIME. Name me an hour when this meal is not appropriate. Go on... go ahead, name a time... What's that you say, 4 am? Not true, just ate one an hour ago I made and consumed one while all of you were soundly asleep, and that is a fact. Was it dinner? Breakfast? Kind of both. Yah know, few foods can transition from the dinner hour to the breakfast hour with such ease.


#4: Memorizing the Presidents: For the past three days I have taken it upon myself to be able to list the presidents (thanks must be paid to sporcle.com for the availability of their quiz on U.S. Presidents), in exact order, both backwards and forwards. So far I can do it forwards in just under 2 minutes and backwards in just over. What's that you say, who came before and after Harrison? Why Cleveland... both times. OH..OH, and who came between Tyler and Taylor? Was it Pierce... NOPE, wrong P named prezzzz pal, it was Polk. POLK. AHAH! Take that 5 year old geniuses whose parents "claim" they know all of the Presidents of the youknightedstates of 'merica, well so do I! Ha!


#5: Back to the Future: It is past 5:30 a.m. and I am watching this movie for... errrr... the fourth(?) time in the past 24(ish) hours. Whatev's, right? I'm not saying this movie is my favorite, or even in my top 10 favorite movies, but let's take a look at this movie and it's greatness for one moment: It lays down sweet tracks from Huey Lewis and the News, it features teeny-tiny Michael J. Fox at his most adorable, it gave us phrases like "hello McFly (which, granted, I may be the only person who actually uses this phrase, but it could catch on)" and "make like a tree and get out of here", it taught us about flux capacitors and it personally makes me hold out hope for a Delorean comeback. And lastly, this particular science-fiction-romantic-comedy-family flick predicted that we will have flying cars by 2015... which I believe could happen and am presently looking forward to flying one. And remember kiddos, you can change your present/future by changing your parents' past, all you need is a nuclear powered time-machine courtesy plutonium from Libyan Nationalists.


#6: Black Coffee and a packet of Sugar in the Raw: Whether it is iced coffee with the packet of sugar in directly in the coffee, or if it is hot and I am licking sugar off of a spoon while drinking black tar, I can't quit. Truth be told, my insides are killing me for this and I think it may also affect #2, but dammit, make my second cup a third. Mmmm. Good.


#7: Craig's List Missed Connections and the Stranger's I Saw U's: I check these, especially MC's, more than I check my email on average. Why? Well, who is to say I am always looking for myself? I will have you know, creepy though it may sound, I am also checking diligently to see if any of these spottings are not only for me, but also for you. So far, nothing has really stood out, except that one time that I found an I Saw U for John. But you have my word, as long as I remain an addict, I'll keep checking... for you... for the children.

#8: The Central Library: Suit me up, I'm going in... at least once, NO, twice a week lately. Yes, I am aware that the Douglass Truth Library is closer and even the Capital Hill branch is more conveniently located and has more DVD selection and is very well organized, but I don't really give a shit. I like the feeling of the Central Library. I love checking out music there, and I feel like a girl genius after exiting. Plus, it allows me to traverse to the down town area, which I feel as though I have yet to explore.


#9: Making lists: Which is kind of what this blog is about in the first place, but lately my lists have been primarily to-do lists occasionally broken up by the "might as well be dead to me" lists, "friend inventories" and "things that I probably shouldn't think are funny, but do".... you know, the type of lists that I can't really post due to the hurting of feelings that may be blamed on me in future interactions with people I am still in contact with.

I think this list is the bulk of it. Sure, there are others- watching videos of baby animals on youtube while I listen to Coltrane, certain "crush" obsessions, wearing bandannas in my hair and putting my sheets in the dryer at night without even washing them just so that they will be warm and smell good as I drift off to sleep, but those things have already been leaked to the public, so I decided to skip noting them, but they definitely deserve some sort of honorable mention.