Bonfire Material

Though I in no way have the credibility to post this, here are fashions and trends that I do hope go out of style, and post haste. That was a pun. Yes, you probably own these items. Yes you probably wear them. And yes, I probably secretly make fun of you. I'm just sick of barfing, okay?

-Ugg Boots-

Which, I feel, are already not really considered stylish anymore, but we need to kill this one dead. For good.

-Gladiator Shoes-

Now that it is cold out, I at least wont have to barf all over peoples pedicures for another few months.

-"Unique" Baby Names-

Apple, Blanket, Forest, Panda, what ever. Enough. Name your kids something other than the first object you see.

-Glasses Without a Prescription-

Some of us really need them, okay! Why don't you wear braces on your legs or teeth and make that disability trendy for a while?

-Tiny People-

I don't care if it is really spindly guys, skeletal girls, or little people- I want to be able to see you with my prescription glasses, so if we could remedy this trend, it would be of some help.

-Jean Dresses-

For preschool teachers only you hipsters! They need these dresses!

-Super Blondes-

I'm usually not a fan of blondes anyway, but seriously, the over bleached hair has got to stop. It makes your hair look like cotton candy, which is confusing for some of us. Some of us who like to EAT cotton candy. Also, note, she's a tiny person. Two in one! Yahtzee!!!

-Clothes for Dogs-

It's like dressing children as adults. I don't get it. I don't like it. Stop.

-Vests on Girls-

Only on super models does this trend not look dumb. I'm all for gender bending, but vests are for guys. So are ties. Let's leave it there. It's just confusing, okay? I have a hard enough time trying to tell the boys from the girls around here these days. I need a little help. Also note, that in this picture, there are toeless boot things and gladiator sandals. I wouldn't be friends with any of these girls.

-Flower Print Tights-

Certain prints that I see everywhere just make you look like you have really veiny legs, which make me think of old people... which was not what you were going for. This isn't my best example, but you get the picture. Pun.

-Boho Long Dresses-

Even if you weigh 100 lbs and are 6 ft tall it gives you no shape. Quit wearing these oddly printed dresses or don't expect me to stop asking when the baby is due any time.

-Toeless Boots-

Maybe I just hate feet- a lot- but this is like wearing a belly shirt sweater. Lacks function, purpose, and class. I don't care if they were $500. They're dumb.

-Lady Gaga Halloween Costume-

This was ridiculous. Every single place I went- Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga, Lady Ga-ga-gag me.