Resistance Is Futile

Sometimes I have unexplainable urges to do things that are, well, not quite right. According to a This American Life Episode, everyone has them, and sometimes we do things that we don't can't explain. Here are a few of my urges, most of which I have not done.

Water Dribbles

The Dirty: Every now and then, when I have water, well any beverage really, in my mouth, I don't swallow it. Instead, I get a big gulp full and dribble it back into my water glass. I find I do this primarily when the conversation has gone stale.
Resistance: None. I cave and dribble.

Mop Bucket

The Dirty: And it is pretty dirty. If I felt shame or embarrassment, I probably wouldn't post this here. Lucky for you, I don't. When I worked at Beecher's Handmade Cheese, part of our closing duties at night would be to mop the floors. The floors were these dirty, wooden plank-like floors. For no explanation one night, I had the urge to lick, yes lick the inside of the mop bucket. The dirty mop bucket.
Resistance: It was a mop bucket. That would be too sick, for even me. Maybe I had a parasite in my brain at that moment. Who knows. I snapped out of it pretty quickly though.

Hit and Run

The Dirty: I use to carry a baseball bat in the back of my trunk. Let's just leave it at that. An alternate version under this same headline would be my urge to just reverse, really hard, into any car that parallel parks too close behind me.
Resistance: I curb this urge by swearing. A lot.

Bathroom Stalls

The Dirty: I carry a Sharpie™ around with me in my purse. After that whole "boy friend with a secret girlfriend" ordeal, I would find myself pulling out my sharpie in public bathrooms from time to time feeling the need to write on the wall: "hey, (that girls full name here), you may not have believed me, even after I forwarded you those incriminating text messages, but I really did (choose what ever makes you the most comfortable and insert it here) with your boyfriend because he told me you were just some psycho girl and I believed him. Sorry you don't believe me."
Resistance: There is never enough blank space to write that little story down. And to clarify for the record, I haven't wanted to write this for many months now. The urge has completely subsided, but believe me, it was once very, very strong.

Second Hand Shopping

The Dirty: When a shopping cart is left unattended, and many times, when it is left supervised, but the temporary owner turns to reach, oh, say a box of cereal from a top shelf at the grocery store, I find myself perusing through their cart looking for things that I would like to just take out and put in my own cart. Similarly, sometimes I find myself trying to hold back from dropping useless items into strangers shopping carts. It was one of my games during a heavy period of insomnia: go to the store, pick out something embarrassing like laxatives, walk around and look for an unattended cart to drop it in.
Resistance: I think I only ever did this once- the drop not the shop out of urge. I think that pretty much cured that impulse, but from time to time, when a cart has a screaming child in it, or people buying only organic foods, I still consider it.

Nap Time

The Dirty: Confined spaces actually make me feel more comfortable. They make me feel safe and secure. One night, when I was feeling pretty sad and wanted to just nap it all away, I had the urge to clean out the bottom of my closet and sleep in it.
Resistance: There wasn't any. I cleared out everything in my closet and napped. In my comforter. It was lovely and I felt much better after. I'd never do it again though, because putting everything back was a hassle.