Competitive Edge

Here are a list of competitions that I believe, in my heart, that I could win. At local levels, of course.

Bread eating challenge

-The Challenge: To eat 2 pieces of white bread in under a minute.
-The Strategy: My strategy is, and has been proven effective, to tear the bread into tiny pieces, skip chewing all together and just swallow.
-Why I think I can win: Listen to me, I've done this. Well, almost. Garrett and I tried this a year ago and I was about 4 seconds off from completion due to the fact that I dropped a part of bread on the dirty, dirty ground and had to pick it up and eat it. Also, there was a time when I had a little problem that required me to drink a few gallons of cranberry juice, which, as a personal challenge, I did in due time. "But Whitney," I hear you refrain, "juice and bread are two different things." True, dear reader, however, I learned from that experience that my ability to swiftly, and with much repetition, swallow things is top notch. If this doesn't make sense to you, it is simply because you do not possess such powers.

Speed Alphabetizing:

-The Challenge: Alphabetize various books, movies, and files rapidly.
-The Strategy: Lady, know thy alphabet.
-Why I think I can win: Look, I know there are people far more OCD than I, but I've seriously alphabetized things in my dreams. I figure, if I can subconciously do it, I must have a one up on the competition.

Brand Name vs. Generic Brand Cereal Taste Test:

-The Challenge: Differentiate between brand name and generic cereals of the same general composition. Blind-folded.
-The Strategy: To focus mostly on texture and not as much on overall sweetness/artificial flavor.
-Why I think I can win: There have been two phases in my life that I think would help me in this challenge: my cereal phase, and my poor phase, which, at some point in time, overlapped, providing me with experience on both sides of the cereal quality spectrum.

Top Ramen Cook-off:

-The Challenge: Cook three Top Ramen dishes- one traditional, one with a slight variation, and one that uses T.R. in a creative method.
-The Strategy: While not being able to use Top Ramen creatively, my skills with traditional cooking methods and my variation are superb. My secret weapon in the "slightly varied dish" is, and I know you may puke in your mouth a little, a slice of processed Kraft Singles American Cheese. On or in nothing else would I ever eat a Kraft Single, but it is pure magic in ramen, especially Oriental (the least PC of them all) flavor.
-Why I think I can win: Because, as with the bread challenge, I sort of already have. My cousins and I competed last summer in said competition and I took home top honors. Also, given enough time to come up with a creative recipe, I think I would be able to round all three categories out nicely.

I don't really think any of these are real competitions... yet. Should they be, someday, I will be waiting. I will be ready. But only at a local level, of course.