Captain Planet:
Now:
Popeye:
Now:
Dexter:
Now:
Jem:
Now:
The Very Hungry Caterpillar:
Now:
Dina Martina
4 months ago
8.16.2010
Questionable Characters
In case you were wondering about your favorite childhood cartoon characters and what they are up to now-a-days, after extensive Wikipedia research, I have found ye some answers. Let me demystify it for you:
Now:
Now:
Now:
The Very Hungry Caterpillar:
Now:
Now:
Now:
The Very Hungry Caterpillar:
8.05.2010
Customer Service
The following may make you extremely jealous: I work as an assistant manager in a Frozen Custard Shop. I know... oh, I know. But hey, I had to attend a university for five years for this job. I'm deserving of it. Cutting through the sarcasm as though it were baby fat on a roasted piglet on a Hawaiian BBQ, I can find things that I do enjoy about my job. Other than being able to boss people around, which I have been doing since the birth of my baby brother, my favorite things are my regulars. Here are some descriptions of my favorites. And yes, I play favorites. I find it makes the others strive harder for my approval, as well they should. Oh, also, I don't really have pictures of any of them, so I've supplemented them with pictures of adorable kittens, which I also love.
Todd and Donald are a young-er-ish gay couple who come in all the time. They were the first regulars that I got to know the names of. I like them because they laugh at my jokes and, also, because they know my name as well. Also, they like to take my recommendations on what to order, which always makes me feel good. Once, I got really excited and blurted out "You guys are my very favorites", quite loudly, I may add. This was after I told them that I was disappointed when I saw them walk right by the store earlier in the evening with out stopping by. Later, after I went in the back, they told one of my co-workers that they thought I was "moving too fast" for them and we needed to slow down our relationship. I'm sure it was out of jest...
Nancy looks like she has had one too many Botox™ injections. Maybe it's because of this that she always seems to look happy to see me- as well as her Mini Mouse voice. Lady also loves her whipped cream. I think she prefers 3 parts whipped cream to every 1 part ice cream.
There is this guy who comes in on occasion who usually gets four scoops of custard. I mostly just like him because he's cute. I think he is creeped out by me, though. One time he came in and I, with a little too much enthusiasm said "OH! You're the four scoop concrete guy! I remember!!"
Phil is this tiny old man, about my height, with a bit of a potbelly. His teeth are kind of crooked and his stubbly white beard needs some tending. Phil always gets a double scoop in a dish of the flavor of the day or chocolate, should he hate the flavor of the day. When the world cup was on, Phil shared his tale of disappointment with me when he lost a wager during the Spain vs. Germany game. He lost, so he says, $80 worth of quality balsamic vinegar on that game because of those "stupid Nazis". Once he came in with no shirt on, just some bling, shorts, a baseball cap and sandals. His little round belly was drastic in comparison to his chicken arms and legs.
I always forget this older man's name- I believe it is Bill or something similar. He comes in with his adorable older lady friend. He must be in his late 70's. He is very tall, nearly the opposite in stature from Phil. I love him. He has big round black glasses, no hair, a few teeth, and ALWAYS wears overalls. I like his consistency. Always three scoops of chocolate. Once he paid for him and his lady friend's ice cream in all quarters, but only because I suggested he do so when he pulled out a zip-lock full of money.
Of course. Not only does he think I'm funny, I'm pretty sure I may have, momentarily, convinced him that I am psychic. I also find myself making him off the menu items regularly, not because he asks for it, but because I insist he gets it. Also, the other day he stopped in right before closing time, right after a very busy night. We talked about how busy it was and how he was sorry he was coming in so late. Right as he was leaving, I went to lock the door and two people asked if they were too late. I told them that they could come in anyhow. Sean then asked me if a little piece of my soul died by letting them in after such a busy day right as we were closing. He asked if a little rainbow sprinkle of my soul melted away just then. It did. And of course, I can never tell him that I know he is the Harvey Danger guy. But I can sing Flag Pole Sitta at karaoke one day and secretly dedicate it to him.
I'd like to talk about the customers that I dislike, but there are too many of them. Also, I know that last picture wasn't a cute kitten, as promised, but I figured I could actually Google search Sean, whereas, it wouldn't be really feasible to Google "four scoop guy" and get my point across.
1. Todd and Donald
Todd and Donald are a young-er-ish gay couple who come in all the time. They were the first regulars that I got to know the names of. I like them because they laugh at my jokes and, also, because they know my name as well. Also, they like to take my recommendations on what to order, which always makes me feel good. Once, I got really excited and blurted out "You guys are my very favorites", quite loudly, I may add. This was after I told them that I was disappointed when I saw them walk right by the store earlier in the evening with out stopping by. Later, after I went in the back, they told one of my co-workers that they thought I was "moving too fast" for them and we needed to slow down our relationship. I'm sure it was out of jest...
2. Nancy
Nancy looks like she has had one too many Botox™ injections. Maybe it's because of this that she always seems to look happy to see me- as well as her Mini Mouse voice. Lady also loves her whipped cream. I think she prefers 3 parts whipped cream to every 1 part ice cream.
3. The Four Scoop Guy
There is this guy who comes in on occasion who usually gets four scoops of custard. I mostly just like him because he's cute. I think he is creeped out by me, though. One time he came in and I, with a little too much enthusiasm said "OH! You're the four scoop concrete guy! I remember!!"
4. Phil
Phil is this tiny old man, about my height, with a bit of a potbelly. His teeth are kind of crooked and his stubbly white beard needs some tending. Phil always gets a double scoop in a dish of the flavor of the day or chocolate, should he hate the flavor of the day. When the world cup was on, Phil shared his tale of disappointment with me when he lost a wager during the Spain vs. Germany game. He lost, so he says, $80 worth of quality balsamic vinegar on that game because of those "stupid Nazis". Once he came in with no shirt on, just some bling, shorts, a baseball cap and sandals. His little round belly was drastic in comparison to his chicken arms and legs.
5. Three Chocolate Scoops Man
I always forget this older man's name- I believe it is Bill or something similar. He comes in with his adorable older lady friend. He must be in his late 70's. He is very tall, nearly the opposite in stature from Phil. I love him. He has big round black glasses, no hair, a few teeth, and ALWAYS wears overalls. I like his consistency. Always three scoops of chocolate. Once he paid for him and his lady friend's ice cream in all quarters, but only because I suggested he do so when he pulled out a zip-lock full of money.
6. Sean Nelson
Of course. Not only does he think I'm funny, I'm pretty sure I may have, momentarily, convinced him that I am psychic. I also find myself making him off the menu items regularly, not because he asks for it, but because I insist he gets it. Also, the other day he stopped in right before closing time, right after a very busy night. We talked about how busy it was and how he was sorry he was coming in so late. Right as he was leaving, I went to lock the door and two people asked if they were too late. I told them that they could come in anyhow. Sean then asked me if a little piece of my soul died by letting them in after such a busy day right as we were closing. He asked if a little rainbow sprinkle of my soul melted away just then. It did. And of course, I can never tell him that I know he is the Harvey Danger guy. But I can sing Flag Pole Sitta at karaoke one day and secretly dedicate it to him.
I'd like to talk about the customers that I dislike, but there are too many of them. Also, I know that last picture wasn't a cute kitten, as promised, but I figured I could actually Google search Sean, whereas, it wouldn't be really feasible to Google "four scoop guy" and get my point across.
8.04.2010
Competitive Edge
Here are a list of competitions that I believe, in my heart, that I could win. At local levels, of course.
-The Challenge: To eat 2 pieces of white bread in under a minute.
-The Strategy: My strategy is, and has been proven effective, to tear the bread into tiny pieces, skip chewing all together and just swallow.
-Why I think I can win: Listen to me, I've done this. Well, almost. Garrett and I tried this a year ago and I was about 4 seconds off from completion due to the fact that I dropped a part of bread on the dirty, dirty ground and had to pick it up and eat it. Also, there was a time when I had a little problem that required me to drink a few gallons of cranberry juice, which, as a personal challenge, I did in due time. "But Whitney," I hear you refrain, "juice and bread are two different things." True, dear reader, however, I learned from that experience that my ability to swiftly, and with much repetition, swallow things is top notch. If this doesn't make sense to you, it is simply because you do not possess such powers.
-The Challenge: Alphabetize various books, movies, and files rapidly.
-The Strategy: Lady, know thy alphabet.
-Why I think I can win: Look, I know there are people far more OCD than I, but I've seriously alphabetized things in my dreams. I figure, if I can subconciously do it, I must have a one up on the competition.
-The Challenge: Differentiate between brand name and generic cereals of the same general composition. Blind-folded.
-The Strategy: To focus mostly on texture and not as much on overall sweetness/artificial flavor.
-Why I think I can win: There have been two phases in my life that I think would help me in this challenge: my cereal phase, and my poor phase, which, at some point in time, overlapped, providing me with experience on both sides of the cereal quality spectrum.
-The Challenge: Cook three Top Ramen dishes- one traditional, one with a slight variation, and one that uses T.R. in a creative method.
-The Strategy: While not being able to use Top Ramen creatively, my skills with traditional cooking methods and my variation are superb. My secret weapon in the "slightly varied dish" is, and I know you may puke in your mouth a little, a slice of processed Kraft Singles American Cheese. On or in nothing else would I ever eat a Kraft Single, but it is pure magic in ramen, especially Oriental (the least PC of them all) flavor.
-Why I think I can win: Because, as with the bread challenge, I sort of already have. My cousins and I competed last summer in said competition and I took home top honors. Also, given enough time to come up with a creative recipe, I think I would be able to round all three categories out nicely.
I don't really think any of these are real competitions... yet. Should they be, someday, I will be waiting. I will be ready. But only at a local level, of course.
Bread eating challenge
-The Challenge: To eat 2 pieces of white bread in under a minute.
-The Strategy: My strategy is, and has been proven effective, to tear the bread into tiny pieces, skip chewing all together and just swallow.
-Why I think I can win: Listen to me, I've done this. Well, almost. Garrett and I tried this a year ago and I was about 4 seconds off from completion due to the fact that I dropped a part of bread on the dirty, dirty ground and had to pick it up and eat it. Also, there was a time when I had a little problem that required me to drink a few gallons of cranberry juice, which, as a personal challenge, I did in due time. "But Whitney," I hear you refrain, "juice and bread are two different things." True, dear reader, however, I learned from that experience that my ability to swiftly, and with much repetition, swallow things is top notch. If this doesn't make sense to you, it is simply because you do not possess such powers.
Speed Alphabetizing:
-The Challenge: Alphabetize various books, movies, and files rapidly.
-The Strategy: Lady, know thy alphabet.
-Why I think I can win: Look, I know there are people far more OCD than I, but I've seriously alphabetized things in my dreams. I figure, if I can subconciously do it, I must have a one up on the competition.
Brand Name vs. Generic Brand Cereal Taste Test:
-The Challenge: Differentiate between brand name and generic cereals of the same general composition. Blind-folded.
-The Strategy: To focus mostly on texture and not as much on overall sweetness/artificial flavor.
-Why I think I can win: There have been two phases in my life that I think would help me in this challenge: my cereal phase, and my poor phase, which, at some point in time, overlapped, providing me with experience on both sides of the cereal quality spectrum.
Top Ramen Cook-off:
-The Challenge: Cook three Top Ramen dishes- one traditional, one with a slight variation, and one that uses T.R. in a creative method.
-The Strategy: While not being able to use Top Ramen creatively, my skills with traditional cooking methods and my variation are superb. My secret weapon in the "slightly varied dish" is, and I know you may puke in your mouth a little, a slice of processed Kraft Singles American Cheese. On or in nothing else would I ever eat a Kraft Single, but it is pure magic in ramen, especially Oriental (the least PC of them all) flavor.
-Why I think I can win: Because, as with the bread challenge, I sort of already have. My cousins and I competed last summer in said competition and I took home top honors. Also, given enough time to come up with a creative recipe, I think I would be able to round all three categories out nicely.
I don't really think any of these are real competitions... yet. Should they be, someday, I will be waiting. I will be ready. But only at a local level, of course.
12.14.2009
Satan's Clause
With global climate change on the horizon, this generation is pretty much already acclimated to uncomfortable heat, similar to that of fire and brimstone. With that being said, Hell doesn't seem to be such a bad option any longer. And while I can't say we're really down for 24/7 intensive labor, which might be kind of a bummer, I think as I former Strategic Communications student, I could re-vamp the whole "Hell" images to really make my generation fearful of eternal damnation. My idea is that, in Hell, everyone would live (or not) much as they do now, day in and day out with a few... alterations. Here are some ideas I have in mind:
-Dial-up Internet connection would be the only Internet service allowed. Not even a lack of Internet is as terrible as dial-up. Think about spending eternity on dial-up and stuck in chat rooms whilst trying to upload YouTube videos. That's basically what the Internet would consist of, dial-up, ICQ as your only means of communication, slow YouTube videos, and Askjeeves as your only search engine.
-Old-timey cooking would be the only meal options available. This would constitute that all meals be inspired by the Depression Era and should consist mainly of such courses as beef tongue, gruel, cabbage soup, and worst of all, divinity, just to name a few.
-Dharma and Greg on Every Channel- with NO mute button.
-Taylor Swift/Nickleback/Miley Cyrus karaoke night, every night. All songs to be sung by The Captain (A Beacon Hill pub "favorite") and my good ol' roommate from China, Jing. And you wouldn't be allowed to drink prior to enduring this.
-All font would be in Comic Sans.
-Mullets would be the required haircut for everyone.
-The only bored game allowed would be Monopoly, and all players must actually complete the game in its entirety.
-The preferred (and only) foot wear of hell would be these:
-But there would be these:
-Dial-up Internet connection would be the only Internet service allowed. Not even a lack of Internet is as terrible as dial-up. Think about spending eternity on dial-up and stuck in chat rooms whilst trying to upload YouTube videos. That's basically what the Internet would consist of, dial-up, ICQ as your only means of communication, slow YouTube videos, and Askjeeves as your only search engine.
-Old-timey cooking would be the only meal options available. This would constitute that all meals be inspired by the Depression Era and should consist mainly of such courses as beef tongue, gruel, cabbage soup, and worst of all, divinity, just to name a few.
-Dharma and Greg on Every Channel- with NO mute button.
-Taylor Swift/Nickleback/Miley Cyrus karaoke night, every night. All songs to be sung by The Captain (A Beacon Hill pub "favorite") and my good ol' roommate from China, Jing. And you wouldn't be allowed to drink prior to enduring this.
-All font would be in Comic Sans.
-Mullets would be the required haircut for everyone.
-The only bored game allowed would be Monopoly, and all players must actually complete the game in its entirety.
-The preferred (and only) foot wear of hell would be these:
-There would be no more Snuggies!
-But there would be these:
12.04.2009
Papa Don't Preach
Bellow are some lil' quips and words of wisdom that show the juxtaposition of my parents perspectives on relationships and sex. I like the contrast in this list.
-Advice from Mom: (To my friends)- "Do you masturbate? I hope you do. You know, masturbation is the safest form of sex."
-Wisdom from Dad: "You know, Whitney, males never really mature past 13. If they tell you otherwise, they're lying."
-Mom (in one long breath): (On my supposed kidney infection): "Are you having sex? I don't care if you are, I just need to know. You know, sex causes these things. I know you don't want to hear this, but when I first started dating Bill, our sex caused a kidney infection. I mean, you're probably having sex. Limit your partners. You could avoid this if you would limit your partners."
-Dad: "I don't want to hear about this. Don't talk to me about kissing boys. You better not be kissing any boys. Are you trying to give me a heart attack? I don't want to hear about this."
-Mom: (On me being stressed out)- "Having sex helps."
-Dad: "No guy better ever touch my daughter. I used to be a cop. I know how to hide a body. The Berkly Pitt is pretty deep."
-Mom: (On whether or not to give me a hope chest for High School graduation)- "What's the point? It's not like you're ever going to get married. I have no hope for that, so why get you a hope chest?"
-Dad: (On whether or not I'm having children)- Me- "I'm not going to have kids. Ever. Period." Dad- "Oh yes you are. Probably not any time soon. You're too smart for that. You're brother on the other hand... well, I wouldn't doubt if he was the next father of our country."
-Mom: "You know your problem? Your clothes. If you dressed better, you'd probably get more second dates."
-Dad: "Let the guy chase you. If you're chasing the guy, you're doing something wrong."
-Dad: "Guys are really very simple. We don't think in complex terms."
-Mom: "I'll never understand men. You probably wont either. Don't bother trying."
-Advice from Mom: (To my friends)- "Do you masturbate? I hope you do. You know, masturbation is the safest form of sex."
-Wisdom from Dad: "You know, Whitney, males never really mature past 13. If they tell you otherwise, they're lying."
-Mom (in one long breath): (On my supposed kidney infection): "Are you having sex? I don't care if you are, I just need to know. You know, sex causes these things. I know you don't want to hear this, but when I first started dating Bill, our sex caused a kidney infection. I mean, you're probably having sex. Limit your partners. You could avoid this if you would limit your partners."
-Dad: "I don't want to hear about this. Don't talk to me about kissing boys. You better not be kissing any boys. Are you trying to give me a heart attack? I don't want to hear about this."
-Mom: (On me being stressed out)- "Having sex helps."
-Dad: "No guy better ever touch my daughter. I used to be a cop. I know how to hide a body. The Berkly Pitt is pretty deep."
-Mom: (On whether or not to give me a hope chest for High School graduation)- "What's the point? It's not like you're ever going to get married. I have no hope for that, so why get you a hope chest?"
-Dad: (On whether or not I'm having children)- Me- "I'm not going to have kids. Ever. Period." Dad- "Oh yes you are. Probably not any time soon. You're too smart for that. You're brother on the other hand... well, I wouldn't doubt if he was the next father of our country."
-Mom: "You know your problem? Your clothes. If you dressed better, you'd probably get more second dates."
-Dad: "Let the guy chase you. If you're chasing the guy, you're doing something wrong."
-Dad: "Guys are really very simple. We don't think in complex terms."
-Mom: "I'll never understand men. You probably wont either. Don't bother trying."
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